Barkley will go out in the backyard before he is fed. For myself, a cup of hot coffee and fresh baked bread, consumed at the table that's seen several generations pass. A sip of liquid, the tear of bread, a communion with the morning, as I say a pray of thanks. Elsewhere, the world rushes ahead, gathering like seagulls at a fast food place, eating their microwaved food thrown at them out a window. Few wish to get up earlier just to have this quiet time, the language of yeast and oven and hands being a foreign tongue, a Mass for the dead, the generations gone, whispering from the walls around. I sense them, the history in this house, even as I know they are not here, the words I speak, head bowed, a whisper in the mist.
Each time I go home to see my family, things change. Small business closed, a big box mart type store replacing a row of houses that used to line the small highway west to Home. Dad's house itself is largely unchanged, but for fresh paint and a good roof, something Big Bro always took care of. The only thing that changes as I come in, is my Father, the man slowly and carefully coming to the door, still the man I remember chasing me down the street when those training wheels came off the bicycle and I realized how fast I could fly, unfettered. Yet, even as he's approaching a hundred years on this earth, he is as strong as the staff in his hand, to be raised when one needs help to fight, to be leaned on when one is weary. Yet even as he has aged, he's remained a constant, and even as my own faith at times foundered, I saw his strengthen in his eyes.
But the words of the Book of Psalms call me back into the present This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it. And we will, taking every moment we can out of the time remaining, like the savoring of a fine meal, one flavor upon another, sweet diffusing the bitter, the spray of warmth against the tongue, the velvet of oil, that binds but does not subdue. We are not shy guests at the feast the world offers, breathing deep of the day. Like the freshly baked bread, the air is full of the breath of sweet warmth, comforting long after it has been consumed.
The river looks like steel, the wind coming from the mouth of the river, humming as if through wire. We're early, so Big Bro steps off the boat back to land, to have that silent cigarette he thinks I don't know he'll smoke. I watch him in the faded fabric of the shore, his form, a thin piece of steel unbending before the wind, the embers of his cigarette fraying away in fiery shreds, carried on that biting wind like sparks of ice.
A ferry has been making this run for almost a hundred years, and will a hundred after we are all gone. The faint leap of my heart reminds me of how much I miss the water, the faintly metallic scent of the sea, evoking pale images of silent hopes, the fragrance of forgotten tears. The other riders probably think I'm daft, standing out here in the cold and the wind, the throb of the engine a song within me, of history and a name which lies on the edge of memory beyond capturing, falling behind, left in the churning wake. The sound of a ship's horn brings me out of my pondering, cleaving the air like a star does the secrecy of night. I turn and wave at my Dad, and go back in the vehicle to keep he and my brother company.
I will make this trip again, the intervals between, shorter and shorter, as is time. Even when the last trip is made, the ferry will continue to run. From island to shore, from the past to the future, the span of distance is small.